Friday, November 11, 2011

The Tanima Ailment-

And strangely his heart craves for not her
but Dolai Kaki's Radhabollobhi or another of those nolen gurer sondesh
And that he wants to get up and walk
and then run far away to the jungle and not to her
For the umpteenth time he is trying to remember the name of the first poem
that he wrote and the name eludes him
He just knows
that he writes cheap poems
has a woeful sense of fashion
a minus two on his eyes
And that even if he tried he could not have cried
like one of those charecters in Sarat Chandra books who hide behind their smiles
but he wishes he could just hold onto her and cry

We found him near a rail road track near north Dinajpur
wonder how he reached there
He was tired and drunk
and muttering obcenities
Every once in a while he spoke some Shakespearean line
I think from "taming of the shrew"
He had a scar near his upper lip and his right palm
Even after such a tragedy the first thing he asked me was,
"O ki gelo?" [Has she gone?]
I just held onto him

I woke up with a backache exactly like I had after those tennis sessions with you
I smell of cuticura
and from the windows I can smell Adam's Marlboro
I wanted to moan his name out when he entered me last night
instead I said God
Never have I believed in God before
but only he can be so brutally honest and painful
I wonder if I scream who shall know
Or it'll be interpreted as a dream
Honestly Sayan, there is nothing romantic about pain nor life
I wish I could tell you this
and cry

The morning reminds me
of the early summer mornings in Lancaster
I can smell her on me and jasmine
Today strangely I think of the twelve year old Adam Marlowe
and how he wanted to know India
There are things that shall stay with me from the foggy today
The special tea that they gave me in the morning
Her painful smile last night
And the trace of tear that left her eye just then
Have I failed you Tanima
I wish you would wake up and talk to me
I wish we would just hold on to each other and cried

And the illusion of love and life stayed ever after

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