Sunday, April 26, 2009

Autumn Leaf

To look at
the last autumn leaf

Oh! to look at it,
its pain
its grief.

But aren't our dreams,
like a leaf too.
adhering to the tree
called hope.

Holding to it
in the winds
of adversity
seasons of loss.

But dreams
like hopes,
like leaves
relieve themselves

They smile once more,
be green again
when the seasons come.

Do not be saddened
if the dreams of your
died an untimely death,

As the autumn goes
the leaf re-grows.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

It's loony to smile without a cause

Have you ever looked through my eyes
at those evenings we had spent together,
they had a tinge of orange,
just like the scarf you had,
evening winds they touched you so elegantly
then they came to me
& talked of things long gone,
when I used to hear them,
I simply grinned,
& You said " It's loony to smile without a cause ."
Didn't they talked to you,like me.?

How many moons have we seen together?
& have flickered & stopped countless stars.
Those moons,stars there pictures,
weren't they like the gown you always wore?
Cold chilly winds made your lips quiver,
I felt like embracing you into my arms.
but then thinking of all this made me smile,smile at me.
& You said " It's loony to smile without a cause ."
Never did you saw my wavering speech,Wasn't it audible enough?

Today all those memories came to me again,they usually come.
I don't even remember,how many years have gone since those winds flew.
Decades have been & I haven't seen your quivering lips.
but memories they are memories,
They visit every evening,each night to accompany me.
Never do they allow me to be recluse.
So that I could grin again smile once more
To make you say,"It's loony to smile without a cause ."

So that I can quieten again,
like always,may be forever...

Had I Been Your Love...

Had I been your lover,
every moment of mine
would have been coloured by the hues of your smile.
Those nights when I dream of you
& those mornings when I hope of you to come true
when I fumble with my hands
for thy palms clasping mine
...palms those non existing palms.
those hands would have been caressing you,
cherishing every touch that you would have threw my way.
Had I been your lover they would not have been missing you.

Had I been your lover,
I would have been more of a human,
because my tears which snatch away my sanity
would have been cleansing me to make me your worthy breaths as they are now
would have been far warmer in your embrace,
when I would have been able to feel your aroma around me.
when I could look at your face.

But You are not mine,
neither will it ever happen that way,
& all my dreams would be trampled hopes would be tarnished,nothing would go my way.
Oh! the anguish to see you with else
thinking of you waking up
all mornings with somebody beside you.
The thoughts make me palpate with emotions
rather good for bru'te.

Had I been the one you love,
the story of us would have been made of
those perfect crimson tales
...tales where everything ends with felicity.
but then happiness as I have found comes with a lot of price,
pain keeps us sane,it keeps us nice

Friday, April 24, 2009

Shun Me...

Shun me,for my transgress is humanity,
I cannot be liven where they are not equaled.
not by what books they follow ,what colours their skin.
respect is their patrimony ,they are akin.

Banish me,to espouse my Rationale,abide by my principals,
since never will I be a coward who dodges
every hassle he is set to,
by changing his ideals & gets through.

Bar me when they want to do injustice ,
as I will always stand against it.
I won't be an allies
in their deeds of perfidies or malice.

Ostracize me or obliterate me,your will.
For You are my only ruler,Divine.
& I cannot hymn or plea
for anybody,anyone but Thee.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I & Thee...

This poem was written when I was saddened to see Humans committing atrocities on their species,it shows the scary side of us.

To,cringe to be me,
For,such is thy place.O ! Lord
here appearances change like garb,
piousness for them is sin,
humility they take to be barb.
I desire still to protect my beliefs,
exploring the end of burrow,
vying for thy light.
to rejuvenate whatever littlest I can,from this plight.
Seeking truth it is so antique,
atheist is the name of your sons,GOD.
Adams descendants have turned so oblique
some do pray,then out go they kill,
Me,I seek ,I dream,I aspire,I beam,
baffling as it is,
at times.
have to arise,
have to see,
For,such is thy place.O ! Lord
Where it is a crusade to be me.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

As GOD Wants...

Thyself were not created to spend the rigmaroles that you it in,expend.

Even beasts & brutes do the equal
...of finding food,search for refuge.

Were you made to cry & beshrew.
...elapse your life like this all through.

How then can you be apposite of that
...that noetic that reasoning you were given,

Thy thoughts should make up your aim
...thy's actions thy's explanation of liven.

Only work ought to be thy faith
...growth the essence of thy felicity

GOD at the core of all the endeavors
...only He as necessity.

Perform but not for rewards or fears feteless devout maketh thee one of GOD's dear.

Thyself were not created to spend the rigmaroles that you it in,expend.

Even beasts & brutes do the equal
...of finding food,search for refuge.

Were you made to cry & beshrew.
...elapse your life like this all through.

You were not made O human just to spend your life in the daily chores you spend it in,don't animals do it the same way..Neither were you destined to cry & complain like u do..& spend it just doing that..

How then can you be apposite of that
...that noetic that reasoning you were given

How can then You be termed as synonym of brains,logic,reasons that make you,you...

Thy thoughts should make up your aim
...thy's actions thy's explanation of liven.

Only work ought to be thy faith
...growth the essence of thy felicity

GOD at the core of all the endeavors
...only He as necessity.

Perform but not for rewards or fears feteless devout maketh thee one of GOD's dear.

Your thoughts should be your own ..they should define your actions of life...your religion your work..only your own personal uplift the reason of your happiness..think of GOD at every step,Make only him your for the sake of work worship for the love of GOD not reward because God only loves people who are devoted to him without a cause...

Monday, April 20, 2009


Hope is our only accomplice at times,
when trials end up in failures,
when smile is too high-priced.
Hope is the friend you keep
when even shadows turn aside.

Hope is to look for the north star
in dark sky with a lost ship.
Hope is to think of sun
when everything is enshrouded in snow.
Hope is when after everything you have lost
a part inside still courageously says," I will show."

Sunday, April 19, 2009


" Black" & the man who was attending him gave him a sheepish look,was he grinning too he could not fathom.He could though not get much time to ponder at it.As the attendant came back almost as quickly as he had left,with the desired tie.

He liked the tie, as his wife had said, should conform to the occasion & it was absolutely conforming to every notion of civilization man may have had.It had streaks,it was proper & it was black.

When he came back home.His wife had the same level of enthusiasm intact as she possessed when he had went.She was happy because her husband was finally getting a promotion in his firm & with it potentially an uplift in their social bourgeois status.It made her happy.He could hear her sing, even when he was in the shower.It made him simper.

Why wasn't he happy himself.He cogitated.He was getting something he had desired for long.Then promotion
was companioned with a pay hike.Providing them with things they could now have under the list of affordable commodities.With all these things percipient in his mind,he tried to be happy but the more he wanted to smile, the more it refused to come to his face.

He was out of his bath now, but wasn't out of those thoughts.Thoughts of him not being happy, perhaps what he had heard in his office was not truth,perhaps the janitors were talking about someone else.But he knew it was the truth,it was him.

He remembered being happy when he first got the news of him being senior officer in-charge.While he was leaving the office he had to pick a file from the shelves.

He then heard two janitors in the next room talking, "So from tomorrow your boss will be a nigger" then the other said in a slow cabalish tone " Weird man! now a negroid would be Boss & we the subordinates" Then they laughed,it felt to him that they were laughing at everything he ever thought he ever achieved.Was it about him being black or him being a better more qualified human,that he was here.

Since then he could see things through a completely different perspective, he saw a couple in the drive way,the women holding her husband tighter when she saw him in the drive way, he had never seen her.But somehow she felt that he was a threat.He saw another man look at him deep & hard a few blocks away the man looked at him then his hands as if saying,"Thank GOD I am clean.I am white."

Recollecting all those times when it had happened & he refused to acknowledge the happenings,the times he had heard the word "Nigger" resonate around him & he not looking that way.

Why was it aching now then? Why this anguish suddenly? May be now as he was being snatched away from all he had accomplished just because he was coloured.They thought it strange that he can reach any height because he was not like them.

"Daduu" He heard & it ramparted his thoughts.He looked at his,year old kid who strangely was not looking at him but at his photo which was framed.The kid was incessantly looking at the picture.For him his Daduu was beautiful, for him he was brave,for him he was his hero.

The kid managed to do , what everything else failed, his son made him smile,smile with a new faith a new power.

" Ladies & Gentlemen, Please applaud for our new senior office in-charge." Boss said, employees obeyed amidst the loud claps, the Boss continued" People, it is a great privilege for me to also announce him as the first coloured man to be able to achieve such feat.In the whole state."

He rose with a wide smile , he could look at those two janitors in the last row he said," Sir, Thank you for the honour.Though just a request please in place of calling me a coloured refer to me as a nigger or a black.I like it that way...."

Thursday, April 16, 2009


Hold me thee,
..till I drown myself.
In your eyes,
..eyes that dazzles more than any sun in the sky.

nurture me for sometime,
..while I try too reiterate the act of living.
having seen you smile,
..the way angels cause emotions to rile.

partake me again,
..until i am witting of my senses.
As i have touched you once & have felt the fragilious,being entranced by the experiences.

tenderize me again, that I can palpate the aroma of you,
The smell of all the blossoms put together,
..still humane but no other.

buss me never again,
..for i have had the everlasting kiss.
If recurred which would be
..adulterated by feelings of unplatonic desires of thee.

wake me now because if it is a dream will have to conclude,
To take away from me the bliss
..given by amor & would turn me amiss.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Don't You Think....

Don't you think
Am lost since you went,
My days are same,
my nights are fine.
Holding onto happiness
Is still an avocation of mine.

Don't you think
Its you I beshrew,
Dear I never utter your name.
secretly holding it in my palms,
drawing it in my heart,
caressing it, Its my lost self I claim.

Don't you think
I am unaware of seasons since then,
I am,may be more.
But I choose not to reply,
their calls.
when they squall and thud at my door.

Don't you think
I'll fade & vanish then,
Will rise again,I'll imbue.
Absolved and stroked by my tears
I would cease to think of you,
to miss, to love you.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


"The food is nice."a man spoke,in such a refined tone that it would have made most connoisseurs think.Yes, there was food gamut of it & words raving the fine taste of different cuisines were being imbued in the air,may be they were the most important ingredient enhancing the aroma of food.Filling every nostril with that svelte sense of hunger, when you know that you are going to eat like a mammoth but in a very subtle,gentlemanly way.

They all were esteemed men & were gathered there for a very noble cause.It was to be a fund raising ceremony for the destitute, for people below a certain poverty line.They were about to donate money for that cause,big money for small people.

Sometimes charity can be a better healer than any addiction because for moments or may be more it can genuinely make you feel good.No matter how you earned the money.

They were there to experience this heady experience hence the festivity was strictly non alcoholic.

He saw his kids both aged around 4-5, they were famished, possibly more.After all at such a tender age nobody can learn to control these basic human urges.They only had water for the last two days.

Why do we ever need to manipulate such feelings of hunger or of feeling cold & if we have to then why wretched like us are ever given such senses.

Then he laughed at his own thought process they were not meant to be so wretched it was not devised it just happened.That some of them went up in the social strata & some were left lurching down.

He could see fulgurant lights from his house at that hotel,the torn thatched roofed shelter was in a stark contrast to all that glitterati visible there,he heard in the morning,that they were having some sort of "Help the poors" ceremony rather charity. He knew that he would surely get something out there.

"From where is that,sound emanating?"The same man asked,who earlier had annotated on the food.

Another of the eminent guest spoke "Nothing much,the watchmen's have caught hold of a thief,he was trying to steal something."

"Bloody,idiots, don't they have any morals left in the society,trying to steal from a fund raising ceremony.What would he get here anyhow?" The distinguished man asked,to no one in particular.He was deeply anguished by this episode.

Afterall they were here for such a sanctimonious event & that was being bemired by a bemiring beast,who obviously was not worth calling a human.He was sad.

"I am not a thief" he screamed.

He yelped for help,but those men they kept on pounding him.He could see the guests looking at him through the windows.He wanted to tell them that he was not some stealer,he was here for help not treachery.But he could see there faces they were staring at him in such a way,the way a man from a reputed family looks at a cyprian,was it that bad to be a poor man? They had left him now,on his own he was bleedingprofusely.

What was my fault he thought I just wanted to enter the place & ask for charity my children haven't had anything for the last two days.Isn't it about helping the piteous?

"I would like to ask for a roaring round of applause for the highest collector of charity for today's event,gentlemen a big round of applause" the speaker said,

The same man rose again,who earlier was grief stricken with the activity of that thief.So, he stood & said " Thank you, Thank You everybody,Actually its all about helping the piteous."

& outside the window in the ground a man was still trying to get up,get up from the mud created by the dirt & blood around.

Thursday, April 2, 2009


" I have to do something, I can't let them be hungry for yet another day." He thought, but what was he going to do.There was no work available & now his son, a healthy young man all of twenty five had been disposed of his work.Everything seemed gloomier with each passing day.No work, no money.He had to take a step, but what could he,approaching five decades of existence he was of no use as a new age constructional labor or even a rickshaw puller.But he could not see them sleeping hungry everyday.He was walking.Perhaps the dual effect of the sweating due to all that he was thinking & the city lights, made him dizzy for a few seconds.Sitting down on road side,he could still not fathom his next step.

As he watched the world pass by, each human with his own set of problems,it made him think,GOD where ever he is sitting right now does he look at his people, his supposed sons,ever.Then realized it was not GOD he had to think of now it was food.He remembered his friend telling him a few weeks ago about a guy who donated his kidney for twenty five thousand rupees.The clinic was just a few blocks away.He had mocked at such an idea then, but now it seemed more & more a possibility.What use were his kidneys anyway? But what would he tell his family when they ask "Where did you find so much money?" May be he would just say he had won a lottery or something,would they believe it. But would they believe it,what choice he had anyways.

He walked to that clinic,just ten paces away.Each step counted, each breath felt.

They told him he was not fit to donate, he had to put on atleast two more kilos.He laughed then at there brains & his luck.If he could put on those kilos would he come here.Perhaps he would come again on a better day, with a better luck.

He had a heavy heart when he went back to his home.But the ambiance at home was a little different ,his wife welcomed him with a smile,smile he had seen the last time when they took a photograph of them together few years ago.The picture was framed & still kept somewhere near there bed he remembered.His wife said "Come , I have cooked your favorite dish, we were just waiting for you to come home" He felt the same dizziness he felt at the road was he hearing it correctly, was she making a joke."How, where Did you get the money?" he said, each word spoken as if waiting for someone to laugh at him in between.She did laugh but not in the same sarcastic manner he had thought, but it was a more gay smile a homily smile."You know our son,its his money, he said he had bought a lottery ticket & as GOD wanted it,he won.Oh! how happy I am,but he said his stomach was a little upset so he won't eat with us now,What a pity.He is sleeping." She said.

He went to see him,he could see his sallow face,he knew where did he got the lottery ticket,what price he had paid for that.How could he eat the food of his son's blood.he just sat down where he was standing,closed his eyes.

Perhaps he had failed as a father, perhaps he hadn't....