Friday, February 20, 2009

The Circle

Greater Kashmir Times- Famous moderate separatist leader Abraham Zaidi missing.

Abraham zaidi, famous separatist leader and statesman missing from his home since Monday. A great hue and cry was witnessed in the Lal chowk area today and the tension is supposed to increase. The Police said they have started investigating but the local people accuse Police of wrong doing. His wife Sarah and son Hamza are safe

He could gaze at the starry dark night; it was he felt exceptionally luminous tonight, bright & quite, like the nature was pregnant with some secret, hiding something they knew.

Then he chuckled he wanted to laugh, laugh his heart out but he just chuckled, he did not want to disrupt the quite ambiance with his noise, that would be like disrupting a perfect symphony, symphony of the night. So he just chuckled a little & then quietly kept gazing at the panorama presented by the universe. In front of him.

How many days had passed since he last looked at a starlit night, a lot of time had elapsed, since he was so relaxed, insouciant was the word, the perfect word perhaps. This was what he craved for all through, to look into the stars, the sky, with nothing else in mind. This is may be how they say connecting to GOD is.

He remembered his abbu saying,

“The stars are created, to let us understand how big GOD is & how small we are in front of him.."

It was his Abbu who had introduced him to this glistening world of night, who had taught him to learn & understand the stillness of the night, to listen to the silence of the nights.

He was doing just that now, the wind as it was blowing hard through his body, whispering sweet nothings into his ears. He looked sideways into the vast landscape, the secrecy it held & then upwards to the sky,& remembered his Abbu.

What he was too him, what he said, what he stood for, what he wanted from the world, as a child he Was always curious about this special world of his abbu, maybe he was too young to understand him then

He was too young when they took him away from him too, one day they just came asked for him. They, those in uniforms, but he as a kid was always afraid of uniforms, his Abba went outside & never came back.

They said he Was missing, yes he was, from his childhood after that, missing from those night strolls, but he understood long back that they killed him, they killed his ammi too, but not in a way they killed his abbu.

Ammi died of that trauma itself, within a few years,
he Was an orphan Now.

Why was he thinking of all this, Things gone by, he should just enjoy the visuals set in front Of him. Stars, the planets, the galaxies.."Why so many stars, Abba?" He asked his abba then, he said,

“Because there are so many humans, so a star for each one of them, GOD treats us all equally.".

His abba always said,

what does a living being want from each other and from the state, respect & justice, just the two things,if the state is unable to provide even such basics....
He was always correct, but did he get respect Or justice,
not even a funeral.

He was glad, he acted like a perfect son, he thought. He provided his Abba what the state failed to, respect & justice & he was happy now. He was a good Son afterall, both his parents were somewhere up there proud of him he thought. Stars, somewhere there.

He looked at them now & said,

-"Abba,I am not afraid of those uniform people anymore, I even shot at two of them today.

-Violence no it was not violence Abbu, It was just, Justice, I provided you that, where all failed.

-The Gun, Oh!! I could hold it, you know, I just thought they were your fingers, When I held them as a kid.
Yes, I saw blood, but I then thought of your blood & then I was all heated up, they took me away from you, made me an orphan, you know how much I missed you, your presence in my life.

-I prepared myself for ten long years.
Yeah, there are many like me, but they are not killers Abba & even if they are who is not, all of us crave for, respect & justice, don’t we?

-They would call me a terrorist or militant or revolutionary or will coin some new term, they themselves are confused, you see.
But who is the terrorist actually, its just a cycle Abba & I completed my circle. "

Yes Abbu it hurts, You know the bullets hurt, but it was equal, they shot at me too, twice.

It did hurt then but now, now its very light, the pain, its bitter sweet, you know.

I have only loved you in my life & its my gift to you. So, what if it’s painful.
I would have stood & bowed at you, but the muscles, they have stiffened a little.

Can you look at that star Abba, its blinking so rapidly as if smiling & winking at me.hey look all the stars are doing the same, they know I was righteous, I was correct, you do too...

I am feeling a little dizzy, perhaps I'll sleep for sometime.

See you soon, Salaam"

Greater Kashmir Times- Military men shot at, Militant killed.


I Wrote This When A Friend Of Mine Asked,What Is Beauty According To You?Is It Only Facial,Or Something Deep Inside? I Could Not Say A Thing As I was Not aware Of The Exact Definition Of It,Well Cannot Deny The Facial Part Of it,But I Am sure its Something Inside Too....

Then I Had to Board A train,While On Train I saw Many faces & wrote this Piece....

Beauty would not be In a mirror,neither
would it glister as to make you look away.
Beauty Has to be subtle,true to itself,Concieved for the viewer

Beauty is,As beauty must be.
soothing & for the eye.
Beauty,how can it be concealment? Can Never lie

Beauty,would fly to the sky,
but still be seated to ground
Beauty lies in the smile of That child,
being touched by Mother,Around.

Beauty lies in The sweat of poor,sweat
mixed with efforts of hour.
beauty sparkles innocently,
in that deep slumber,After unending quest
& infinite labor,even in the Slow lazy lumber.

Beauty still is there in the eyes,
eyes which see it with Care.
Beauty is in love Of heart
which relieves them of their smart.
Beauty I am sure Can not Be concealed.

No,beauty can never lie....

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Day

Love never happens at first sight,I always believed,but like most of my beliefs this too was short lived.Because today happened,today an extra ordinary day.Went to this place,with my department guys,saw THE Most amazing girl.She was with all her friends there,our primary cause Of going there was to see them actually,so this is not Much of a Fact.Fact is that,she was as beauty could be perfectly described with words like mesmerizing,I for myself could not take eyes of her.Perhaps no one could,perhaps no one should.Rarely do you find people who are so full of joy,that they can transmit it,make there personal,private joy,a thing free for all.A smile so wide that you could fix a banana there horizontally.

This is no way of describing beauty though.She was all smiling & laughing & jumping randomly & then all at the same time.Her eyes they had this mystic quality in them.But the best part is,I really felt that she was loving all that attention & dare I say my company.Rare as it is for people especially the women form,for which I can say this.But she was felicitous,I am sure,infact I am planning to take her & some of her friends out,as soon as possible for a dinner date kind of thing.If she & they want me too.Hopefully they will,Because That would Make my Day..

I am back at my college lab,playing with these machines,but her voice is still ringing Somewhere.."Twinkle-Twinkle,Little Star.."& then she laughed,just like an ordinary 6 years old girl,Lilly-joy is the word I have coined for It,lilly Because this joy is momentary but gives enormous pleasure,not only to a single Individual unit,but to all of us.But she is very unlike all Of us,she is suffering from Autism, or in worldly terms is mentally retarded though I am gladdened by the fact that,that special school Is taking great care of her & People like them.Not people but children like them,.GOD I just pray that you will be a little kinder to them....

But I know She laughed today & made my day.When while going back from there..I said to her..."Hey Girl ! I Love You,Take care"...

When will that dinner date happen...???

Saturday, February 7, 2009

A Love Letter

I am Missing You,May Be even More Than Other Days,You See Its Sunny Today & This Warm Air Touching Me,Reminds Me Of your Caresses.I can See This Birds In The Sky Flying In The Distant Horizon,Far Away,They Are Together,They Chirp,They Are Happy.What Would It Take Me To Be Happy?Happiness,This Word Transforms Me To You.You,Who smiles As If There Are No Worries,No Worries.Who When Walks,Walks It Seems Gravity Is A Myth.It Took Every ounce Of energy Within Me,To Make My Heart Beat Again,Our Heart Not Mine Like you always said.You Will Come Today again I know That,I Can feel you Here.But Its your way of making me wait,Making Me wait & Then Tell Me,"You Idiot,Why so early?".I Will Wait For you,To Hear you Say That,To Hear the sound of That word 'Idiot'.There Is a bird in The sky All alone,May Be Its Me,But It Can fly,I can't.

My Darling,Where Are you?I Wonder As I sit here,As I watch everything around me move,except Me,Perhaps.They say You are gone,You won't Come Back.No You Don't Need to Be Scared,I Know I Should Be Scared,Scared Of loosing you,Scared of being All alone,No,I am not scared,I know I wouldn't Ever loose you.In Church We Had said "Till Death,Do Us Apart." & We Are Not Those Kind Of People To Walk Over Our Vows Just Like either Let Death Come And take me or Else I Am Waiting,For you to Arrive,To smile,To Talk.They Don't Know,You Come,They Don't Know You talk to Me.They even don't know Who Am I,But they know I wait for you,everyday Just Like This & They Laugh.Let Them,who Cares.You Won't Believe,They even say That I Am Mad & So,They Have kept Me Here.But I am Not Mad,You Know That. & I don't Explain Anything To Them,Why Should I? I Exist For You & Not For Them.They are Fools Aren't they,They Don't Know You Come To Me,They Don't Know Anything.They even Say That your Voice,Its Just Inside Me,Its Not you.But Can I Be So Soft,So Tender,Remember The Way You Say,"Bull,Don't Talk Like That,Be a Human.".Tell Them That,Tell Them You Come.Tell them To Behave,No They Don't do Anything to Hurt me,Just Sometimes,Sometimes They Are Rude,A Little Rough.But I Don't Cry,Can Your Bull Cry,Just somedays When It Gets Tough,but I Don't Cry,May Be A little,You know your Hero Is Brave.I Am.

How Can You Go?How Can It End? You Know It Was You & Me.Hey There Are those birds Still,In That Distant Horizon,They Are the Stars Of The Day,Flocking Around The Sun.

You have Come,There you are,There,I can See You.Wait I'll Come To You.Wait....

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Turmoils of A Torned Mind...

She Could Not Fathom It,It Wasn't Like This Before Or Was it like This always & It was just she who refused to see it.All Was Mushy & Merry At The beginning,Sweet Nothings On Telephone For Hours.They talked About Nothing & Everything.But Now The Calls Like his expressions Were Becoming Fewer & fewer.She thought It was Just Her mind that Is used to thinking All those rubbish At the beginning,But Now she Could Se It..After The Initial Flame Had Died down,rarely would they have a chat where one of them would Not get annoyed & Now he had Not called her & it had Been a week.She was Angry & hurt At the same time.How Could He do it,She thought.Actually,she was A blind Buffoon She thought.He was Always Telling Her How busy his work keeps him,How he is not able to Save Time even for his own self.She Believed Him,But then he always had time for every other thing.May be He Was two timing her since the start may be he was just playing with her , may be he never meant what he said.Oh!! what A fool she had Been Not To see it earlier,but Now She knew that It'll Not Work This way.She can not See Herself cry All the time,Why should She care,when He does Not.Why Should She be The one To pick up it all,When he throws it.She Would let him go,may Be she'll leave Him Anyways...
Ah..!!! The Phone rings..She picks It Up..It said,"Hi...!! I Know I Have Not Been Good..But I Missed You All This while..I Really Did..." She Could Not Hear Anything After that,He Missed Me..He Did...She was crying But she was happy..


"I Hate It" I exclaimed...Hate the advent of Indian summer,I hated everything since I woke up today & now there is no electricity,the moment I decide to go online there is no electricity,am I lucky or what & its so hot at home,I can bake a cake if I just conjure up the ingredients.GOD, Why Me?..why didn't I pop out,somewhere in Europe where it is a lot cooler & Pleasant & yeah they have enough electricity 24*7.So,I pick up the novel am reading write now,hoping it would grab my complete attention..George Orwell's "Animal farm"..I read

"All animals Are equal Some are just more equal than the Others."

So true,in any context,look at me,would I be so sad,have such a dreadful day if I was living in a developed country.Some people can just enjoy everything & some like me can just hope,dream.What was GOD thinking,when he let Europe become so plush,cooler,beautiful..better.
I am dragged back from my thoughts,as my mom hollered.."Look someone's at the door.."
Now "Who is it?" I sound..I went to the door,a women with A kid,beggars damn at this time,anyways have to attend her now..she said.."Beta,give me something to eat,I am hungry since the morning.."I complied,gave her a 5Rs note.She wears this smile on her face now,asks if I can provide her a glass of water,I did.
She drank half of it,gave the rest to her child,he gulped it as if it was some ambrosial stuff.Now she started showering blessings at me,"Beta,may you have all the wealth in the world,may you hav-...." I stop her in between,I know her blessings wouldn't much help besides,these blessing things gave me goosebumps.So I had to interrupt,"Pretty Hot Today,Na"..I verbalize,she shrugs & says,"Its better this way,we can atleast sleep at night."...& leaves with a happy smile.
I go back to my book.thinking About her Last Lines & towards the AC,electricity still missing.The book goes..

"All animals Are equal Some are just more equal than the Others."...

Monday, February 2, 2009


I Wake up In the Morning,Peep out of my window,there lies the sun in the distant horizon.I don't Know for how Long it has appeared Everyday,to lighten Up our lives.How Many things It has Witnessed.Perhaps The Only witness to every human ever born.Every Smile ever Passed,every tear that ever fell.Then Suddenly I remember that,I have a College to Attend,Things To Learn,To do something,To achieve that thing,something which'll make me feel fulfilled.Like Everybody Out in this world trying to do Something.
Then again those warm Rays Of Sun Pull me back to its thoughts,Sun...!! This Sun.It is Still glowing,it will continue To do so,even after Me.I would not be here to see it every time I am'll then not Brighten up for me.
Someday Death Would engulf me.Then what is the sense in trying to be successful?What is success anyways?
Centuries Ago a Man Found fire,We still use it.But is he here to see us Use that everyday,to smile at his Achievement.He may Have been Burned at That Instant due to his Invention,Still how many of us Think of Him.Everyday We Drive by but do we ever think of that man Who created The Wheels.May be the Greatest invention of All time.centuries Pass,men come & go,with no Trace of themselves.
I Go Out Of the home thinking,is it of any Worth.Thinking Why I Am Doing All of this?
Then I Look by the road A father Teaching his 1 year old,how to walk,he smiles At him,the kid does the same.
I Again Look back at that Sun,Now with a smile.
I know Why??


There she is again,On the other side of the road,outside my college,Selling bangles. I have Been seeing her for last two years.Deeply engrossed in her work,but i have found her looking at me a few instances exchanging furtive glances.Her Face so serene so Calm,always smiling & laughing with the roadside kids around,mostly beggars.I Feel Happy & distressed looking at her face at the same time.happy because she has this face so radiant,so joyful,dusky with tinge of whites.Like the last rays of sun in the evening,distressed because i know she does not deserve all this,a life so tough.i have seen her argue with girls of my college for prices,Over 2Rupees,Petty things like Colour of the bangles.she has this aura which even those Beautiful,rich college girls don't.Am I Falling in love with her,I don't know,but i know she is Pretty.May be Someone should tell her to wear those glittering things herself,i am sure she would surpass many of my college girls in terms of grace.oh...!! she looks at me,what am i doing standing here looking at her for so long,what will she think?what will these people think around me?i pretend to look somewhere else,somewhere far away,but i can still see her through the corner of my eyes.She is again looking at me,now I look A little Courageously.To hell with those people.I Will Look at her,cherish her.Our eyes meet again,she now smiles at me.should i go across to her,May be.I walk a few paces,Towards her...Why Ain't she looking at me Now,Why is she Looking there,towards this man.He Who is also looking at her,this big bulky man.He is approaching her Now,His eyes red Is it anger,No i think he is drunk.I stop.Now he Is Talking to her rather Abusing her,but it is incomprehensible,what is he saying?Oh! GOD He Slapped her,what I should do,is It because Of me?Now she is Looking at me, I am Unsure,No I can't look at Her.Why to meddle myself in this mess.I start looking at the ground around my feet.but I should Help her,shouldn't I? I look at her again,but that man he is Dragging her.No,I can't,Go for her like This.She stops,He Looks back At her.She Looks At me Again with a Smile,but it is not like that earlier Smile.It says.."Quite A man,Aren't You....?" I Act as if i didn't see her,Looking at me.They Walk Away.Everybody goes back to there places whatever they were doing.I am Still there.Thinking,A gamut of things.What Will He Do of her,What does she think of Me now,What If i actually tried To save her,What if I did love her?What If....

Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Poem Forever...
Of Losses,Of Things Forgotten,Erased....
Of Appointments With Eternity...
Of lost serenity.....
My Poems,as conscious as Ever...
In the Memories Of Distant past...
Emotions Like Sea..So Vast..

How My heart Aches To be free..
To Burn All the shackles..
clean up the perplexity..
Grow like a tree....

Nights Stay With me....

Unhindered Unbarred...

They stay On proximity ..

Remain Undesolate,Unjarred…..

As Smiles Becomes Sighs....

shadows Turn turbid....

Night Still Smiles At me...

never does it Morbid....

They say days Give Pleasure & Hope...

Nights Horror...

But As I See Nox Are tranquil....

An Ally At Sombre...

Thus, Stays with me,my dreary night...

Holds me,doesn't let me get crumpled..

Talks With me of all the ail..

Of Hopes tarnished,dreams Trampled....